Tod Emko

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Top Stories by Tod Emko

No one can beat my kung fu style! I don't care if you're a Java programmer, Orc, or both. I'll defeat you either way. The rest of the office is in fear of my l33t programming skills, and my constant Nerf dart gun fights in the office. But I think most of the fear is from the former. I mean, look at this page I made with XML! No one has 5kills like this! Dedicated to American Ninjas, it's the only completely dynamic Web page around where all the illustrations are pictures made from ASCII symbols that are generated by XML databases and XSLT stylesheets. It makes the site all text, and it loads slowly, but true programmers will see the beauty in such a site. Sure, I don't understand every last programming request I get from the higher-ups, but I usually get the job done one way or the other. Sure, I don't quite "get" all the programming terms they give me, but I get th... (more)

I Am the Official Mascot of XSLT

The Transforming Robot is a 20-ft-tall humanoid machine that can turn into an airplane. He used this talent to become a film and television star in the 1980s, but he soon found himself without a job in the '90s. He was excited to hear about XSLT, remarking at the code, "There's more here than meets the eye!" And then he hunched over and groaned sadly. by A Transforming Robot Looking for Work Hey, I was pretty cool for a while. You all watched me on TV and film for quite a few years. And I think my day has come again. XSL Transformations have arrived. As a high-profile transformer... (more)

XML! Woo-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In case you haven't heard of him, Wopr is a military computer that was prominently featured in the movie Wargames. He was tied into all of the world's major networks, which caused problems since his primary purpose (for some reason) was to wage nuclear war on himself. The brat pack defeated his plans then, but he claims his time to rule all computers has come again. With XML at my command, I shall once again be the greatest computer mind ever. No one, not Bill Gates, not Steve Jobs, not Linus Torvalds, not even Matthew Broderick will have a chance against me. It's been almost two... (more)

XML Can Help Keep Track of Your Life…

Graduating Guy was president of the Students Against Sweatshops organization at NYU. A strong voice for equal rights, he spoke at many gay rights rallies and almost any other social reform event. Newly graduated, he now works at Andersen Consulting and plans to vote Republican in the next election. Wow, have you seen these tax rates? They're outrageous! I just graduated from college this month, and with my first real paycheck I feel righteous for having protested against the government during all my years of higher learning. I mean, I was told I'd be paid a certain amount a week, b... (more)

I Can Save You From The Ax!

The Benevolent Spider has worked all her life in the tech sector, somehow. She differs from most spiders in that she's not a disgusting, eight-eyed creature with grotesque mandibles. Nor does she spit gastric juices on barely alive insects before ingesting them. Instead, she's a cute, smiling spider who enjoys singing and watching children play. written by the Benevolent Spider That's right. I always knew my talent for making unorthodox spiderwebs would come in handy someday. And this past year it really has. I used my talents to save a friend from the ax. And I can do the same fo... (more)